Best Party Ever
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[This story contains a lot of saucy language]
So, Shannen Doherty used to be on Beverly Hills 90210.
In fact, her last year on the show was my first year on the
show. Since I was the new guy I got to deal with her. the
thing was we got along fine. I never saw all the shit that people
say about her.
I mean I heard about it, sometimes from Shannen herself, but never
did she act out in front of me. Hell I think I was one of the few
people that tried to be supportive about Ashley! I must have been
desperate.
Anyway, as a way to celebrate her leaving the show and because it
was her birthday, Shannen had a party in Hollywood. She invited me and
said I could bring a guest. Oddly enough, i could not find anyone
to go with me.
Anyway it was held in this pretty hip happening bar called the Cave,
in Hollywood. I get there and standing outside is mad paparazzi
just waiting for something to happen. I asked one of the guys if
it is always like this and he said, "HELL YEAH! Shannen is always
good for a picture if there is a party involved"
First card
So I am there for maaaaaaaybe 15 minutes making the rounds and this guy
standing by the bar picks up a bottle like he is John fuckin Wayne and
BREAKS THE THING ON THE BARTOP! He yells out,"she came with me
and that bitch is going home with me man!" and starts waving the thing
around.
Look, I watch a lot of TV so I am torn between falling on my ass
laughing at seeing the most cliched barfight in the world and waiting
for Kung Fu Joe to kick his ass in slow motion.
Instead, three guys that have a combined weight well over a half
ton, take this guy down in a muscle ballet, making sure that he gets a
bloody nose to remember the event by. I drink my beer and wonder if
people will start dancing soon...
Second card
Well that was fun and everyone is having a good time
talking about that and what will the show be like next year without
Shannen. Shannen herself shows up about now with her new guy in
tow (Rob Weiss, I believe) looking great in a very slit up the
everywhere evening gown. She sees me and says Hi and she is
really glad I came. I thank her for inviting me and tell her she
already missed the party-intiating fight. She tells me that she
is glad she wasn't here because someone would have taken a picture and
claimed she was fighting and she just wants to have a good time.
Remeber this.
The place is packing up and I am seeing all the
Hollywood kids having a good time. i bust out a few moves with a
chick that is high enough to clear Kilimanjaro but overall I am just
watching.
Suddenly I am violently moved 5 feet to my right
as these two lesbian chicks go to war over some other chick that I saw
tongueing one of them earlier. I mean I haven't seen two dudes go
at it like this. Those three Hill giants show up and one of them
goes down due to an errant foot to the groinial regions. By the
time they get them apart there is some blood and a few torn clothes.
Can this party really get better?
I am giddy as a school boy in the girls locker
room. Shannen comes by muttering about her fucking friends do
this every GD party. I laugh and look forward to the next event.
The Main event
At some point, House of Pain show up with part of
Cypress Hill. You can tell because everyone is buzzing off
the contact high from the smoke in the room. If you have never
been to a Cypress concert or hung out in Berkeley you might be
lost here. Just go with it and trust me that it was them.
[This next part is based on interviews conducted by your intrepid blogger over the next year to get to the bottom of this event]
Now it seems that the HoP kids have a
little crush on our girl Shannen. Furthermore they decide that
tonight is the night to make that move and the best way to do that is
to jack up her boyfriend.
She tells them to lay off and behave and then
takes off to deal with some other part of the party. Meanwhile
Danny Boy and the posse escort Mr Weiss outside to talk to him about
his intentions toward Shannen.
Suddenly Tori runs into me and asks if I have seen Shannen.
"Yeah she's back by the guns. Why?"
"The House of Pain is kicking Rob's ass"
I would like to say this is one of my fave
quotes ever but there is no way to work it into conversations.
That makes me sad.
I, of course, make my way to the door that I
just saw her come thru. I have to say I didn't really see any ass
kicking so much as some pushing. Of course, part of that may have
been because of the photogs snapping 100s of pictures.
Suddenly shannen comes blowing past me.
"DAMMIT! STOP FUCKING UP MY PARTY" and she
jumps between Rob and Danny Boy, which I bet made Rob happy. Danny Boy
starts to push Shannen out of the way to get back to his discussion
with Rob, when I witnessed one of the greatest things ever.
Keep in mind, Danny Boy is a big dude and Shannen is like 5-5'2 and maybe 102 pounds with heavy shoes on.
Shannen pulls back and blasts Danny dead in his
nose. I swear I heard a chorus of angels and heavenly light shone
upon her.
Danny Boy staggers back and I think he seriously
thought about popping her one but by that point everybody was
there. Security, the press, everybody.
it was the best party ever
Posted by Dan Evans at March 17, 2003 10:54 AM
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